Would you come to me if somebody hurt you, even if that somebody was me?

—Prince, “If I Was Your Girlfriend”

The new policy of shared full disclosure, of holding back nothing and being free to say anything at any time, was firmly enforced and permanent.  Swiftly, we were both convinced there was no other way to live.  The old adage of not going to bed angry with your spouse was taken to the extreme with us.  We would no longer allow ourselves to be seething with anger, letting it fester.  We would vent our thoughts and emotions immediately, and with levelheaded words if possible.  The moment any difficulty or irritation arose, it would be voiced.

This voicing of grievances the moment they occurred may sound as though our lives would hardly escape a near-constant clearing of the air.  Not true.  If something arose within one of our minds and we had a problem with it, it was articulated and quickly hashed out. After a while, it became obvious which problems were not worth mentioning.  Each of us had begun to realize that any number of petty, unimportant grievances were being voiced as if they were authentic and vital.  We came to realize that not only would we not accept unmindful shit from one another, we would not accept it from ourselves.

It wasn’t a matter of taking things without true appreciation, or full honor, or as if they really didn’t matter.  It was a matter of taking things sincerely but not, with furrowed brow, seriously.

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